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A Soundproof,

high-blood pressure zone boiling with RAGE.

Warning, may contain CAPS.




The Republic of Anirudh Malladi spans the length and breadth of a room inside an apartment.
It is surrounded by hostile forces on two out of four borders.  These forces have been waging an undeclared war on the peace, tranquillity and a pile of dirty laundry contained within the borders of this republic.

A house is a 3D space filled with furniture you can stub your toes on OR
an intricate collage of hair nestled in places you least expect it to be

OR the boardroom of a bugs and insects ONLY corporation, still clinging to the belief that this is a pristine jungle their great-great-great-great-great grandparents spent crawling and buzzing about in. 

Shoo!! Go away!  This was your house. NOW it’s an apartment with rooms!


The idea for rooms within a house began with the stubborn demand for a space where a member of the household could dig through their nose and pluck their eyebrows, far away from the judgemental glances of other co-inhabitants, who would rather not know you indulged in such hobbies.

I’d like to think the designers of the room went through ALL the available 3D shapes before settling on the ‘cuboid’. Here, I feel the sphere’s potential has been overlooked – practical problems with regards to getting out of a sphere-shaped room notwithstanding; sphere shaped bathrooms would be more efficient in waste collection AND put a swift end to the epidemic of grandparents falling in bathrooms. (Their fall will be cushioned by the slopey side surfaces and they shall slide gently to the bottom with their self-respect and kneecaps intact.)

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Fast Forward: From the meeting where the cuboid was chosen as the building block of a house TO the addition of rectangular doors into this geometrical extravaganza; the house now transitions into a collection of spaces which can be open and closed at will. Spaces which the inhabitants of the house can mould to be used in accordance with their interior designer’s wishes.

We have arrived at peace, quiet and privacy on demand!

THEN the television was invented; and all this Pythagorean labour went to waste.
Today, the modern home is the staging ground for a continuous but epic game of ‘hide-n-seek’ between you and the remote for “something” in that room. A family friendly activity until an adult loses patience and the room’s furniture starts getting re-arranged at random.


Dear reader, if cars can find themselves parking spots in the middle of sprawling urban jungles, WHY ISN’T the remote WALKING ITSELF into my hands from WHEREVER IT IS??  WHAT’s the holdup science people?!



Rooms have different purposes. Their names imply they do.
Living- room, Drawing- room, Bath- room; you know the rest.
I have lived in all the rooms; I haven’t drawn in any of them since I was 3 years old AND I have certainly slept in all of them. YES, the bathroom included. 
Then there is my bedroom, the site of a constant epic clash between my sleep cycle and the activities of a subversive, terrorist organisation known as my neighbours.


I am surrounded by enemies who plot and pray for the destruction of my sleep cycle.
I shall not bend to their will.
Maybe I will just turn, slightly, only because it is natural to change positions while asleep.
Other than that, I shall lie motionless!!  Spread myself like a starfish;
Let the weight of my eyelids and the dark circles around my eyes do the work of terrifying my enemy into submission and dulling my senses to sleep.
We shall never wake up…unless it’s for food or water. 

And scheduled sports matches!

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