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A Soundproof,

high-blood pressure zone boiling with RAGE.

Warning, may contain CAPS.




For 18 years of my life, every day I was woken up from my sleep by either one of my parents, gently. On days I stubbornly refused to vacate the comfortable burrows of my bedding, they would resort to

‘pour water in ear’, a mild form of waterboarding.  


At 26, I’ve come to the realisation that I’m not 18.
Still, I still harbour hopes and dreams. Many, in-fact.
Some, including me, even argue that I have too many- hopes and dreams for one lifetime.
No, that is not an excuse. It is a fact. We can all make up our own facts now. I saw it on the news.


One of my many hopes and dreams is one we all share: Achieve longer hours of sleep.
I’m already sleeping more than I ever did.
Every night I sleep, after saying a prayer recalling the ideals and achievements of

god-king-grandmaster Mark Zuckerberg who has enriched our species’ existence with his own.


I sleep, surrounded by the beauty in our daily lives.
I sleep, as I watch the fireflies in the distance, dance in harmony with the symphony of social media notifications on my phone. Its volume, set at a pleasant 40%, to nullify the racket emanating from nearby crickets.
Gently vibrating; it reminds me that it’s here. Right here, within arm’s reach. If in case I need it and especially If I don't. 
I sleep, knowing, that the universe is ever expanding and our stupidity, constantly compounding.

Here’s an exercise you may want to indulge in:
Make a list of things that would put you to sleep.
If making pointless lists isn’t on the list and you haven’t slept already, then indulge me a little bit further by making a second list; a list of things that would wake you up from your sleep.

If exercising isn’t your cup of tea, then ignore the list making entirely.
Make yourself an actual cup of tea.
It can put you to sleep. It would have made one of those lists.
It isn’t difficult, sleeping. Trying to stop yourself from waking up? That’s the hard part.
Maybe the list comprising of things that would wake you up is longer than the one that would put you to sleep. It is, for me.

To human beings’ utter disadvantage, the five senses continue to function whilst we are asleep.
We ignore the problems these senses are causing us while we’re asleep, in lieu of services they provide when we are awake. Our cave dwelling ancestors may have found this passive sensory perception useful but it’s becoming redundant each passing day. Presently, its primary purpose is alerting
me you to the fact that while I am you are passed out, someone I you trust is shaving one of my your eyebrows. Leaving the other one pristine only because I’ve you’ve been woken up. Too late, I’ve someone’s already lost an eyebrow.

The many reasons we wake up before we’ve had our fair share of sleep can be classified into two categories: Internal disturbances and External Aggressions.


CT 1 - The Conspiracy Against Sleep.jpg

Internal disturbances are caused by our own bodies. For example:
Afraid that we may have been sleeping for too long, the body tricks
itself into weaponizing water. It happens through a series of nerve impulses and chemical over-reactions, presumably. The body cons itself into thinking that it has either too little or too much water.

Either way, we are wide awake and on our way to the kitchen or the balcony.
Proof that the brain has one billion neurons
and as many “moerons.”
The brain does not recognise this manipulative behaviour by
the body because it trusts the rest of the body to do right by it more than it should.

Other examples of behaviour influenced the by the moerons include calling someone on the phone to let them know that you sent them a text message or developing an urge to ‘travel through North Korea’.
Someday in the future we will be sending an ambassador to an alien civilization.
This sort of behaviour is not something I would like to see explained to the aliens -
ending in them staring stupefied at our distinguished ambassador with one of their two heads and emitting a clicking noise that maybe inferred as laughter. What a scandal that would be back on Earth!

CT 2 - Conspiracy Against Sleep.jpg

External aggressions are adversarial actions perpetrated by fellow human beings either out of calculated malice or general apathy resulting in the destruction of sleepy time.
Renowned for their variety, these aggressions include the person you share your bed with belting out their greatest hits in the form of eardrum piercing snores or the Vitamin -D filled rays emanating from
the tube-light, the ‘D’ for ‘disturbance’.


In some cases, sleepy time is ruined because of the activities of a dreaded terrorist organisation known simply as, the Neighbours.

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